Saturday 28 September 2013

Finally! (A Pregnancy Post)

 Author's note: I started writing this post a few months ago but never ended up posting it because I had decided it was too whiny. Maybe it is, but I'm going to share it with you anyway, along with some new content. Please, bear with me through the first part because I really want you to get to the end. Anywho, here goes...

Finally, I can make this post that I have been wanting to make for a few months now! I have been eagerly awaiting our Facebook announcement that my husband and I are expecting our first baby in February, mostly because I am terrible at keeping secrets and it has been driving me crazy needing to watch what I say until we were ready to announce. In fact, I have written half of this post already in anticipation of the big day. So now that things are finally out in the open, I am free to discuss what I am experiencing with other people who have already gone through it before, and that has been a real lifesaver, because...

Pregnancy is really hard yo. No, really. I am only now just over three months along and there have been many times where I have sat myself down and wondered if this was really the wisest choice for me to make. I have had some pretty awful, miserable, wan to give up on the world kind of days. It's not that I really expect pregnancy to be easy per se, I just really had no idea how challenging it actually would be in the early stages. I have SO much more respect for moms now, especially those who are on their second or third pregnancies and are therefore experiencing this stuff while they already have a little child running around requiring all of their available attention. Because here's the thing (for all of you who haven't been through it before):

1) It feels like all of the life has been sucked right out of you
There have been some times where I thought I was tired before, you know, after a long workout or a few days where I didn't sleep very well. The first few months were like that times about ten, and that's with doing nothing more than trying to drag myself around the house doing little things like cooking dinner or having my morning shower. Work seemed ridiculously hard to stay awake at. Forget housework or getting the weeds out of the garden, suddenly just getting out of bed in the morning seemed like a monumental task. I had read the books, I knew that I would be tired, but I was not ready for how quickly and fiercely it would take hold (Pretty much from 2 weeks until 12 weeks). Believe me fellow ladies, if I knew how much this stage of pregnancy sucked, I would have been over at your house plenty of times in those first couple of months just to do your dishes or sweep your floor. I understand now that even those small gestures likely would have evoked tears of gratitude.

2) It feels like your body is completely out of control
Why is it that you can feel so great one second and then the next be worried you're going to puke your brains out? I consider myself actually pretty lucky in this regard though, so far I haven't actually had any actual puking, but I have had many a session of sitting in the bathroom breathing heavily and convincing my brain that throwing up is not the route we want to take. The weirdest thing is that, to end these sessions, the best thing to do tends to be to eat. Have you ever tried to cram food in your mouth when it seems like all your body wants to do is bring everything back up? It's not easy. Never mind all the other crazy things your body wants to do while your pregnant. I have had worse skin than when I was 16, I will look like I have a full-on baby belly when I go to bed and wake up the next morning with hardly anything, and don't even get me started on the crazy boob things.

3) It feels like your mind has checked out on a permanent vacation
I think I've actually handled the moodswings quite well, but if you ask the people around me they might tell you a whole different story. It is SO hard knowing that what you are feeling in a given moment is likely completely irrational but at the same time you are so helpless to the feeling, you can not do anything but act on it. I have had times where I have cried for no real reason (Alberta tourism commercial anyone?), times I have been overly angry for no real reason (especially work related things!), and times where I have been so overwhelmingly sad for myself that I just have to go and sit down alone for a while. I have never really been a depressed person before, so those moments of depression have been the hardest for me. I'll be honest, in those moments there have been some times where all I wanted was to feel like myself again, have my normal body back, have my normal life back. I now try to remind myself every day what I am doing this all for, how lucky I am to have the life I do, and assure myself that I can keep moving forward. The payback is yet to come. Oh, and my memory is already shot. 3 months in and I have a mean case of baby brain, so by the time I am 9 months I will be lucky if I can even remember where I live.

4) It feels like people are already judging you
It actually doesn't take very long at all for people to start giving you all of their opinions on how you should raise your future child, or even how you should be handling your pregnancy. Unsolicited advice is one of my biggest pet peeves at the moment. Granted, there is a lot that I, as a first time mother, do not know. There's a lot of stuff that I may know a bit about but haven't really figured out which route I want to go with yet. I'm typically a really big planner, but I find with a lot of this pregnancy and child-rearing stuff I am taking a lot more of a "figure it out when I get there" approach. I am not sure how I am supposed to know how long I am going to breast-feed for when I don't even know yet if I will successfully be able to do it in the first place. Is it so wrong that I want my "birth plan" to just be that someway, somehow, this baby gets out of me in the end and is happy and healthy? The details of how that happens are not really all that important to me, because I know that in the moment the "plan" would just go out the window in favor of whatever feels right at the time anyway.


OK, Flash forward now to the new content. I am now just over 19 weeks and feeling a lot more balanced. Let me be perfectly honest here: the depression I dealt with in the first trimester was a lot worse than I let on. I pretty much (not all the time, but a fairly decent portion of the time), hated being pregnant. I hated not being able to do all of the things I used to be able to. I was annoyed that I was so tired, felt so crappy, broke out in so many zits, felt fat all the time, and just overall wasn't myself. There were a few times where I second guessed why this had seemed like a good idea in the first place. Basically, I was a miserable wreck. And I felt so guilty about it because nobody told me that these were perfectly normal feelings to feel. Everybody just assumes that you must be so thrilled to be pregnant and life must be so joyful. Which really just makes everything worse because then you just start loathing yourself for having these miserable thoughts and it's a sneaky spiral of just feeling more and more terrible about things. So: what changed?

A few things, in rapid succession:

 I found an online community of women who were all in the same stage of pregnancy as me, and I realized that a large number of us were having the same kind of thoughts. I realized that mourning the person I once was was not only a bad thing, but necessary. I will never be that same person again. I realized that this new person that I was gradually becoming was not something to be scared of, and learned to start to embrace it. I'm still working on it. I stopped loathing myself. I started focusing on the things that I have to appreciate.

I actually started feeling a lot better physically as well, ironically more like my "normal" self. I still know that I have limitations, and I still get frustrated, but it's nice to not have to balance all of that with just trying to keep from vomiting. I'm in a fitness class. We're starting to do aqua-size. Just being active has made a big difference.

I realized that there was a purpose to all of this, there is actually a baby in there. I know, this sounds stupid. But in all that misery it is like I forgot why all of it was happening. Then I started to feel little movements. Subtle at first, but increasingly stronger week by week. I started feeling things really early (like earlier than 12 weeks early), and it's almost because somehow this baby knew that I needed to know it was there. Then we had our first ultrasound, and I saw that it was real. Really, as soon as that ultrasonographer said "I see one baby moving around in there!", that's when I changed. I had been feeling the baby move before that, but could talk myself into thinking maybe it was just gas. But now there was no more denying it - there was actually a living thing inside of me. I hate showing emotions in front of strangers, but I teared up a little. It's the moment I actually fell in love with this little alien thing that, to that point, had seemed like nothing but misery. I really think it was at that moment that I truly became a mother. (I am aware that probably sounds corny, but I'm hormonal, OK?)

Since then there have been so many moments that have made me fall further and further in love. We heard the heartbeat for the first time. I started feeling more definite movements (and now often ones that can't be ignored). We found out we're having a little girl. Now I am so thankful for this little being that it is hard for me to remember the time that I really wasn't. That's why I decided to post this afterall. I think it's important to put it out there - pregnancy really is hard. Nobody ever really tells you that. But it's quickly becoming the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. I feel so lucky to be able to experience it myself, knowing that there are so many people out there who will never be able to. I am so excited about the future now. The next milestone I am eager for? Having my husband feel the kicks for the first time. I'm so excited to have him better experience this life that we have created. It really is an amazing thing. I really am now truly thankful.

Amanda


Saturday 26 January 2013

Random Thoughts

A few random things:

It's resolution time again my friends! You know, that time of year when you come up with all of these grand new plans on how you're going to better yourself, help society, and live life to the fullest. That time of year that is so full of optimism until, a month from now, we realize how much effort this is all going to require and we slowly just fade back into our lazy routines. I really wasn't planning on coming up with a New Years resolution this time around, in fact I had read something on a friend's Facebook about how their resolution was to NOT make a resolution and just to seize the opportunities to better themselves as they arise through the year. I liked that idea, but then was thinking that, knowing me, I would probably see the opportunity, get intrigued, and then procrastinate and let the moment pass me by. So here's my New Year's resolution (and I realize it's kind of vague): To Procrastinate Less. This means that, ideally, I will fold and put away my clothes right away rather than just pulling them out of the basket as I need them. If I realize I still need to pay the bills I do them at that moment rather than doing them at the last minute. I say ideally, because it's the end of January now and I am already starting to slip. But I'm trying!

I am also working hard at learning the fiddle. It's something important to me so I am doing much better at sticking with it. The fiddle has a special place in my heart, not only because it reminds me of my Nova Scotia roots, but also because my grandfather used to play. It's actually one of the main things I remember about him, and I've always wanted to learn. My mom says I am learning almost all the same songs in the same order as he did, which is a nice reminder that everyone has to start out with "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" before they're ever going to be playing jigs and reels.. Sometimes when I'm practicing and having a really good day, I like to think it's because he's somehow guiding me, telling me where to put my fingers and exactly how to move the bow. Other days I am a hopeless pile of squeaks and squeals that I would never blame on anyone but myself. I feel like it's coming along tho, but I need some practice playing in front of other people without getting stage fright.


The main reason I haven't been blogging lately is that I have been absorbed in enjoying my life at the moment. Enjoying the quiet moments and time to relax before life takes a turn for the crazy again. I have a pretty awesome life right now and I want to take the time to be thankful and absorb it. I feel like I am finally living the adult life that we look forward to when we are in middle school and can't wait to graduate. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't easy getting here. It started out with working hard in highschool. It took years of working crappy jobs, including working 20+ hours per week while still balancing a full university course load. It took pinching pennies to get the rent paid, sacrificing dreams of touring Europe and Egypt, and many years of taking public transit instead of a car. After so many years of wondering if I would ever get here, I want to make sure I don't let this golden time slip by unnoticed. 


So that's about it. I hope everyone else is enjoying life as much as I am right now. And if you're not, then it's a new year: make the changes you need to put you on your desired path. Work hard and you're bound to get there eventually. It won't always be easy, but I think that's a good way to make us appretiate our accomplishments. 


Sunday 7 October 2012

F "FML"

I have a beef with Facebook. Well, I guess my beef isn't so much with Facebook as it is with some of the people that are on it. Admittedly, these problem people are on my Facebook by my own choice, and actually on occasion they are even actually my friends, not just those Facebook acquaintances that get labelled as "Friends" by default. My problem, you see, is those people on my newsfeed that use the old "FML" statement. Some people may use it in jest from time to time, some may be serious, and 100% of the time it drives me crazy.

Here's the thing: Those of you on my Facebook do not have a completely terrible life. Yes, maybe you have had a terrible day, maybe even a terrible week. Some of you are going through some tough times. Some of you may feel pretty down and alone. Some of you are even struggling through health issues that make getting out of bed in the morning a physical challenge. Yes, some of you may not have the "perfect" life, or the life you have dreamed of, but really, your life is not one to throw away. I can promise you, no matter how crappy things may feel at that given time, you have things in your life that you're taking for granted. Things that other people are hoping or wishing for.

First off, you're on Facebook, therefore I am going to assume that you don't live in a third-world country. As a result I am going to assume that you likely live somewhere where you have access to modern things like electricity, running water, and shelter. If you can afford Internet access, I am going to assume that you have enough cash in your bank account to pay for basic necessities like food, heat and personal hygiene products (if you're struggling with these things, and have home Internet access, your priorities may be wrong). Chances are you have access to medical care when you need it, a basic education if you want it, and there's likely some sort of police force who is working every day to protect you.

Now, there are so many people in the world who do not have these things. We all know there ARE people who live in third-world countries. People whose stomachs may never feel full, people who are dying of diseases from unclean drinking water, people who live where "home" is a tiny mud structure and their bed is a pile of straw. The crazy thing? Some of these people are smiling more than those of us who, in their eyes, have it all. These people know the importance of family, know how very thankful they should be for every tiny blessing that comes their way in life.

Maybe we, the people of modern societies, are just too used to the "simple" luxuries we have. We forget how lucky we are just to be born into a more wealthy country. We get caught up in the image we have in our heads about what the ideal life would be. We get caught up in the dream to be wealthy, or famous, or to have everything we could ever want. We want to travel everywhere, see everything, do everything, have everything. We feel entitled to these things. We are disappointed if they don't come our way. We feel like everything that occurs in life should be good.

So what happens when something bad happens? When our girlfriend breaks up with us? When we get a speeding ticket? When we get fired from a job? We focus in on the fact that it does not fit into the image we have of our "perfect" life. We forget about all of the positive things we actually do have going on in our lives. Most of us will want to vent to our family and friends. That's normal! Those of us on Facebook will probably post a woeful status update in regards to the crappy day we've had. But I just can't stand the "FML" update.

When you post that "FML", to me you are writing off everything that exists in your life. Your family, your friends, everything in your life that is positive. You are making the statement that everything you have does not matter, is completely negated by the negative event you are focusing on. The problem is, those things you are writing off? Someone else would love to have them. Someone else is wishing, or praying, or dreaming for them.  When I see you write "FML" I feel like, if you don't appreciate them, then maybe you don't deserve them. Yes, when I see that status, I get a little insulted, because clearly you don't appreciate me being part of your life either.

They say that people who dwell on the negative only attract more negativity. I do feel that this may be true. The thing is, I don't think it's some great big "secret" effect of the universe, but the fact that, when you dwell on the negative, those around you start to see you as a negative too. I mean, if you're not going to appreciate the people you have in your life, why should they appreciate you being a part of theirs? I know personally that I have been trying to eliminate the more negative people in my life. Those people who only dwell on the negative. And you know what? I have never felt happier. This is not to say that I never vent about negative experiences. They happen. But I'm making an attempt to balance out those complaining status updates with ones in which I am thankful for the good things in my life. Maybe we all need to start posting things like "Ugh, got a speeding ticket on my way home. At least I have a car. And a license. And someone who cares if I speed, get into an accident, and injure myself". Maybe we all just need to slow down and be a little more thankful. Maybe we all just need to say "F-FML".


Happy Thanksgiving Canada!

Tuesday 18 September 2012

Liebster Award - AKA An Excuse to Post About Some Random Things

Ok, so here's the thing. I have apparently been nominated for something called the Liebster award, which is given to up and coming bloggers who have less than 200 followers. As the rumour goes, "Liebster" in German is defined as sweetheart, darling and beloved. (aw, thanks Melissa)

I am not sure that this is an actual award, and a quick internet search has led me to believe this is kind of like the chain-letter of the blogging world, but I am honoured that my good friend Melissa thought of me and is encouraging me to keep blogging. You can read Melissa's own blog here. Also, it actually gives me a chance to lay out some thoughts that I had been trying to give in other blog entries that never made it to post. Yes, that's right, I have been writing this whole time and you just haven't been given the chance to read it. I'll try to make up for that today.

So, the rules for receiving this award are simple and are as follows:

1. Answer the questions that the tagger set for you.
2. Share 11 things about yourself.
3 Pass the award to other small blogs (the interwebs tell me I should choose 11).
4. Ask them 11 questions.

Here goes nothing. This post is going to be long. First, the 11 questions I need to answer:

#1: What do you love to learn about? This really varies from day-to-day. Can I say current events? I really like to follow the news and then research more once I find an article or story that catches my interest. Actually, if I need to give a more specific area I would say law and crime investigations. I thought about going into forensics at one point, and if I didn't do what I do for a living now, I could see myself doing something along those lines.

#2: Why did you start blogging? I've kept a journal from the time I was really young, and it's always been a good way to get my thoughts out on paper. The problem is that I always wanted to also share my thoughts, so I would give my journal to my sister or friend Leanne to read. The internet is a nice way to get the thoughts out there but also allow some other people to see into my head and give some input.

#3: What was your greatest accomplishment? It may sound kind of lame, but moving out West was the biggest thing I feel I have conquered in my life thus far. It was a big risk for me, and I was scared to do it, but I went for it and thrived. I wasn't at a very good place in my life before I made the change, and I was able to pick myself up and survive. I guess that's the real accomplishment, surviving even when I wasn't sure how I was going to get out of bed in the morning.

#4: What excites you most about life? The fact that there is so much to discover. Even in my own neighborhood there are little things that I've never noticed before. There's a lot of beauty in the world when you actually stop and look at it.

#5: What country do you want to visit before you die? Egypt. I really want to see the pyramids and the Sphinx. I also want to go an African safari, so possibly make a little side swing down to Kenya?

#6: If the average life span was 40 years, how would you live your life? I don't really think I would live it a whole lot differently. I kind of already live my life knowing that you never really know how long you've got. I probably wouldn't have dedicated 16 years of it to school. That's my answer, less school and more living.

#7: Do you like puzzles? What kind of puzzles? Jigsaw? I had a jigsaw puzzle addiction a couple of years ago, I had to scale it back when I started getting a sore back all the time. Sadly, that's a true story. I've also been known to enjoy a good brain teaser or crossword puzzle, so yeah, I like puzzles.

#8: Name a book or movie that you've read or watched at least 3 times and explain why you did. I'm trying to think of a book I've read over that many times so I can seem smarter, but the first thing that popped into my head was the movie Castaway. Why I've seen it so many times? It's kind of a good story about how the human spirit can persevere. And I love that damn Wilson. I cry every time.

#9: Where do you see yourself in 10 years? If we're lucky, we'll have a couple of kids, my husband and I will still be healthy and in love, and I'll still be working at my awesome job. Unless of course we strike it rich and I'm retired by then, which is even better.

#10: What is your favorite music genre? I don't have a specific genre, my musical tastes are all over the map. I like something with lyrics I can connect with. I also like mindless pop-songs. There's no real rhyme or reason.

#11: What is your favorite meal to make that you learned from an older family member? What I call "Lazy Shepherd's Pie". I like it because it takes practically no time at all to put it together, only 30 minutes to cook, and it's a good hearty tasty dinner. And the leftovers heat up really well the next day.

Now, 11 things about myself, of my random choosing:

#1:  Remember how I said my musical tastes are all over the place? Well, my favorite band for a good long time now has been Matchbox Twenty. I'll admit, I am kind of disappointed that their new stuff is pretty pop-ish, but their old stuff is golden and the lyrics are genius. Don't believe me? Listen to this. It's a popular song but once you hear the meaning behind it and the expression in his voice, I dare you not to fall in love. Anyway, as cheesy as it is, their music has helped me through some tough times. Also, I love the song Bright Lights because it makes me remember my move to the big city. It was like it was written about me. Except I didn't move to New York. Whatever.

#2: My favorite flower is the daisy, because it reminds me of growing up and picking them with my grandmother. I think maybe she used to plant them in the ditch just for me. When we showed up to get the keys for our current house, the yard was completely filled with daisies. I knew then that I was home. Sunflowers are close behind, mostly because they remind me of my wedding to my awesome husband.

#3: Marriage has actually made me a better independent person than I ever was before. Back when I was actually single I was needy and always looking for someone to help define me. Being in a long-term relationship/marriage has given me a chance to grow in a supportive environment. I'm a lot less insecure about myself and I feel like if I were put in a situation where I HAD to be on my own, I love myself enough that I'd be fine. (I'm very thankful that this theory hasn't had to be tested.)

#4: Around the house, I typically turn everything into a song. I sing to the pets. I sing to my husband. Sometimes he sings along. Those are the times I love him the most.

#5: Dirty dishes make me gag. Sometimes just thinking about really dirty dishes makes me gag. Sometimes I just gag without even thinking about the dishes.

#6: I have almost crossed everything off of my bucket list already. I am actually kind of freaking out about what else I should add to it. Most of the stuff that's left is traveling, and I'm not even sure I feel that driven to travel to all of those places.

#7: I want to learn the bagpipes and the fiddle. I'm torn between which one I want to learn more. I'm leaning towards the fiddle, mostly because I think it would be really hard to practice the bagpipes without driving everyone in the house/neighborhood crazy. The problem is I don't want to take formal lessons. I'd rather teach myself, except realistically I know that it would be a lot harder. I just shudder at the thought of an adult recital where everyone is playing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

#8: I have this one weird reoccurring dream I have had since childhood. It circles around me entering a room at night and trying to turn on the light but the switch won't turn it on. I can't see what's in the room but I know something's there. I usually wake up in a cold sweat. A few weeks ago I had the dream again and it terrified me so badly I didn't want to go to sleep the next night. I'd be interested in hearing from one of those dream people what it's all supposed to mean.

#9: I'm obviously heterosexual, but I feel a lot of empathy towards the gay-rights movement. I can't imagine someone else telling me that the emotions I have or the way I want to live my life is wrong. I don't understand why it's even still an issue, and I hope I live to see the day where it's not.

#10: If I call you, and you don't pick up the phone, there's a good chance that in my head I am imagining all of the horrible things that may have happened to you. This is extra true if I get home from work before my husband does, or if I am supposed to meet you somewhere and you're running late without calling. In my head you're in a ditch dying somewhere. I have a bit of an over-active imagination.

#11: I really love cats. If I lived on my own I would probably have 20 of them. It's a good thing I don;t live on my own.


Phew, that was exhausting. So the last part of this is to tag another blog (I can't do 11!) to follow suit with the nomination, so I choose my sister's blog, which is really only getting started and could use the boost. Sooooo....

#1: What's the one thing you would really like to do, if you could only sum up the courage to do it?
#2: What one life event has most made you the person that you are today?
#3: If you had to describe yourself with a song, which song would you be?
#4: Where is your favorite place you've been/seen so far?
#5: What's your biggest ambition in life?
#6: Who is the most inspirational person you know?
#7: What's the one thing you hope people remember about you?
#8: If you could only eat and drink one thing for the rest of your life, what would they be?
#9: If you could have a superpower, what would it be?
#10: What are the three objects (excluding people and pets), you would save from your burning house?
#11: What's your favorite childhood memory?

This concludes this long-ass blog entry.

Monday 4 June 2012

My Summer Plan of Attack

Well, here it is June and pretty much the kick-off to summer. I find most years I have so many plans for the summer and then inevitably don't end up pulling off even half of the things I had wanted to do. I thought maybe this year I would actually form them into a list in order to (hopefully!) better motivate myself to actually achieve them. So here's what I've got so far...

1) Go camping a minimum of three times (Realistically this likely translates into 3 weekends of camping, but the minimum for each trip should be 2 nights)

2) Hike Cape Split again when I am in Nova Scotia this summer

3) Reconnect with some people I haven't seen in a long time (I intend to pull this off at my high-school reunion later this month)

4) Go on a hot-air balloon ride

5) Create my own signature cocktail (Since I enjoy blended drinks this will likely be a nice summery affair)

6) Travel somewhere I have never been/can't remember ever having been

7) Host a summer cookout/fire/BBQ in the back yard

8) Go to an outdoor water park

9) Shoot a game of 9 holes of golf in under 45

10) Go on a "spontaneous" roadtrip, with no known destination or plan

 11) Go whale watching

12) Lose 5 pounds. Not die at the bootcamp my friend is making me start going to.




That's all I've got so far. I intend to keep adding at some point. I'll keep you posted with my progress (incidentally I came close to finishing #5 this evening, I feel I'll have it checked off in no time! You can tell where my priorities with this list lie...)

Friday 1 June 2012

Looking Back

I'm finding it hard to believe, but this June marks the 10 year anniversary of my graduation from high school. I'm finding it hard to believe mostly because for the most part high school seems so long ago. I have changed a lot. I am sure most of us have (and I am looking forward to our reunion party to test that theory!). Because of this upcoming milestone, I've been thinking a lot lately of the old "glory days" of high-school. I was lucky in that the experience for me, as a whole, was a positive one. I know that not everyone is that lucky. Also aiding to my nostalgia is that a friend of mine recently posted on her blog a mock letter to herself in Junior high, with the current knowledge that she's gained over the years. It made me think: What would I tell myself? This is what I came up with...



Dear Teenage Self:

Let me start out by telling you that you're doing just fine without my meddling advice. I used my instincts to get me to where I am today and you could do the same and be very satisfied with where you end up. My goal here is not to interrupt your current course or even to fully prevent the trips that you will inevitably make. My goal is just to, shall we say, make things a little bit easier? You're going to occasionally fall flat on your face: that's life. And I am sure even if you heed my advice there will still be some number of small things you will look back on when you're older and wish you could go back and change a bit. Remember that's a part of life too.


My first piece of advice: Give up on your hair. It's always going to be that limp and straight. Trust me, it will never look like the hair the girls have in the shampoo ads and you're completely wasting your time. Also, stop trying to grow it really long. It doesn't do that. Cut it just below the shoulders and be done with it. Stop trying to dye it a lighter shade. There will be instances where you will turn it green and, although this will result in the short-term novelty of being a red-head, it too is not worth the effort. You'll get more compliments when you start keeping it the natural color anyway.


You're right, I didn't come back in time to warn you about your hair. I should probably tell you a little bit about your relationships. Let me warn you of one major thing about yourself: you need quality time in your relationship to keep it healthy. This means the long distance thing you will try so hard at will never work out. Move on while everyone's feelings are still intact. If you don't heed my advice and try it the first time, don't attempt it the second time around. Although you'll eventually figure it out on your own, you'll suffer through a few months of complete heartbreak first. I know, I know, the second time you're pretty darn sure you're in love. When you're my age you won't even dispute that fact. But trust me, it will not work out and you're better off to leave the friendship untarnished. Another bit of relationship advice? Trust what your one friend is saying. You know who I'm talking about, the one who is telling you everything you don't want to hear. They're right about your insecurity. Don't worry, I promise that you will eventually find the person who will love you forever. In the meantime enjoy some opportunities to be single. I'm not saying you can't date, just when the relationship has reached its natural end, let it go. 


On the subject of boys, you'll know when you're ready. You know what I'm talking about. Avoid that awkward make-out session when you're in grade 11, it won't end well. I know that you know that it's not going to end up like that, but just trust me that it ends in embarrassment. I know that society puts some pressures on teenage girls and that it's sometimes hard to trust your instincts, but when you are older you are going to be really glad that you did. It'll be worth it to wait a while. Sometime in your late teens/early twenties someone close to you is going to make the comment about the cow and the milk. They don't think you hear it. Instead of pretending you didn't and allowing it to bother you for years to come, confront them about it. Let them know that first off, you are not a cow. Secondly, you're worth more than the milk.


Let me take a minute to let you know how proud I am that you never caved to peer pressure when it comes to smoking or drugs. The opportunity will continue to present itself over the years. Continue to just say no. Eventually they will stop asking and respect you for it. You will, however, eventually want to try alcohol. I'm OK with it, just make wise decisions when you do so. I know you will. Oh, but put the bottle away when you're done, it'll save your sister from getting in trouble. 


I know that you feel a lot of pressure to be the "smart one". Relax a little bit on this front. When you're older nobody really cares how smart you were in highschool. I'm not saying that you have to let your marks slide, just don't judge your self worth off of whether or not you have the highest mark in the class. Take some time to focus a little bit more on the other parts of school - your friendships, the experiences, and the little moments. You'll miss those memories the most. Your academic medals and trophies will be collecting dust somewhere in a corner of your office when you're older. Also, take a minute to consider if you really want to go right into university. Consider the option of taking time off to travel while you still have the nerve. Consider that what you really want to do may not involve wasting money and time learning about plants and fruit-flies.


You're going to start working out and getting fit. Stay with it, even when you get bored of it and discover that your metabolism keeps you thin anyway. Trust me, the metabolism slows down eventually and it's a lot harder to get back into shape when you've already let your fitness slide.

Embrace the small opportunities to expand your knowledge of the world. Go to Newfoundland with your dad. Visit your friend in Europe. Not seizing these opportunities will end up being the closest thing to regrets that you will have when you are older.


Take more pictures and allow yourself to be in more of them. Write in your journal when you're happy, not just when you are sad. Don't worry about your boobs, they'll grow in eventually. Stop chewing your nails. Accept that you're going to turn out much like your parents (it's not a bad thing!). 


I guess that's about it. Go out there and take on the world. You know what to do.


Love Always,
Your Future Self


PS: The winning numbers for the first Lotto-649 draw after you turn 19 will be 5-12-26-32-43-57. You're welcome.



Sunday 15 April 2012

Fighting Indifference

Attention Albertans: The provincial election is coming up on April 23rd. I know many of you don't care. I know many of you are not from Alberta anyway and therefore have even less reason to care. Please keep reading! Although this is going to be a bit of a political post I am going to try to keep it unbiased and applicable to any election, not just to ours coming up.

Deciding to write a more political post was a bit of a tough decision, because I know that the level of interest in politics among the general public is fairly low. When you look at voter turnout for any election in Canada, it's usually only about 50-60% of all eligible voters. Also, those of you that know me well know that any time there's an election I start harping at everyone to go vote. It's the same old tune. But come on people, 50-60%?!? That's pathetic. I just can't fathom why anyone in their right mind would not want to exercise their right to vote. It's there so that we can be a fair and equal society. People have fought hard for you to have the right to vote an continue to fight so that you can have it. And you can't take the time, which is literally less than 5 minutes, to put an X on a piece of paper and stuff it in a box?

OK, so I'm used to the arguments. Some of you feel like nothing ever seems to change regardless of who wins, so why bother? Some of you don't really know enough about the parties to make an actual decision. Some of you just say you hate politics and therefore don't pay attention to elections. My rebuttal:

1) You don't know enough about the parties: Come on. You know as well as I do that this is kind of a half-assed excuse. The media puts out lots of news stories any election time in an attempt to educate the public about the political platforms. Usually the parties themselves will drop info fliers into your postbox. If you're not informed it's because you have been too lazy to inform yourself. It's the same as anything else in life, you're not going to learn about it unless you actually put in a little bit of effort. Watch a leader's debate, read a paper, use Google... Just inform yourself!

2) You hate politics and find it boring: I can promise you, there is at least one reason why you should care, and that reason will be a personal one. Maybe you should care because you have or are going to have children, and you want to make sure that there are going to be enough schools for them to get a quality education. Or you don't want to have to pay school fees for basic classes at what is supposed to be a public school. Maybe you care about your taxes potentially going up (there is one party that is actually campaigning that they will raise the provincial tax). Maybe you care about having quality, free healthcare and don't want to have to start paying for private healthcare. Maybe you care about the environment and protecting it while still being able to utilize the resources Alberta has access to. Maybe you don't want your tax dollars to pay someone to sit on a committee that has never met a single time (research the "No-meet" committee - it happened!). Maybe you just want things to stay the way they're currently chugging along. No matter which side of the argument you sit on, chances are you have an opinion on at least one of these issues. This is your one opportunity for the next four years to make your voice heard. After this one day, you can go back to ignoring what is going on if you wish, but, in some way or another, regardless of who you are, you will be affected by the decisions these people make.

3) Nothing ever seems to change regardless of who wins: To be fair, the Alberta Conservatives have been in power for something like the last 45 years, so you can't really expect there to have been any major changes in that time span. But, here's the thing: This election is projected to be one of the closest in Alberta's history. We have more of an opportunity this time around to tell the politicians what we really want and to have them listen than ever before. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't vote Conservative, and in fact if you have researched the parties and you agree most with their values, then I think you should do just that. What I am saying is that this time around in particular, but still in any election, your individual vote really matters. You may say it's just one vote, but remember how I said the typical election turnout is typically somewhere around 50-60%? What if the other 50% actually voted? How would that change our political landscape? Minority governments have been formed on less than 50%. You could almost argue that the opinions of that percentage that don't typically vote may actually count more as they are perhaps more likely to want to vote for the smaller parties but feel like their vote is just going to get lost amung those for the more popular parties.

What I am trying to stress is this: I don't really care who you vote for. Well, I do in a way because obviously there's a party I would like to see win, but it's more important to me that you just vote. If the party I like best loses, but I can see that a true majority of Albertans chose the winning party, I can live with that. If my party loses (or really, even if it wins), and it comes back that only half of Albertans actually took the time to vote, then really we have all lost.

Democracy only really works if everyone utilizes their individual voice.